Friday, August 3, 2012

Say Queso!

I didn't expect this. I was not prepared! This was not part of the thousand and one scenarios cooked up in my head! I needed to stay calm. I needed to appear as cool as a cucumber.

"Oh my God, it's you!" I exclaimed.

"Oh my God, it's me!" he replied laughing.

I quickly lifted up my sunglasses and his expression changed from confusion and amusement to a genuine look of surprise.

"You're back! You came back!"

He seemed flustered and excited. I felt immense joy at the sight of his agitation. I had hoped for a reaction and this was even more than I had imagined. Yet, things weren't exactly the same as they had been a month ago. I had read so many things online that now the voice of all those people echoed in my mind. I was filled with worry and apprehension.

Red flags!

 This was the popular term for the warning signs of things that would go wrong. I could hear the voice that I imagined for these people. An angry woman with a stern voice:

Oh he's excited, huh? That's a red flag. This is part of his entrapment! He  barely knows you! Why would he be so happy?

                                       Shut up! Let me enjoy this!

"How long are you staying? When did you get here? How are you? Did you have a nice flight?" he bombarded me with questions.

"Two weeks and I arrived last night. The flight was fine. I'm good. I'm really good!" I grinned and as we stared at each other happily, inattentive to everyone and everything around us.

More after the jump...

Why is he so thrilled? Oh, let me guess...he sees dollar bills. Sorry to break it to you.


"So, coffee with milk and sugar?"

"Yes, please."

He walked to the other side of the bar, to the espresso machine, while occasionally glancing at me and smiling.

My mother turned to face me and I smiled but said in a panicky voice,

"It's him!"



"Oh! That guy! Really? I didn't really take a good look. I don't have my glasses."

"It's okay, you can see him later."

"Did you see my glasses?", she started to search inside her giant straw purse.

"No mom, but it's fine. It's okay."

"I could have sworn I brought them. I'm as blind as a bat without them, you know that!" she laughed.

"Don't worry about it!" I giggled nervously while giving Alejandro intermittent smiles.

"Maybe I left it on the bureau?"


"I got them at Costco. A really good deal that was. Did I tell you? That's the time I found those really nice camisoles on sale. I mean, they were pretty much giving them away and you know how your brother needs them. He stained the ones I got him last month. I think it was ketchup. Maybe it was salsa? You know how hard it is to get tough stains like that out! I tried Clorox and that Oxy powder..."

"Ah, ha. Yes. True."

"Maybe I left them in Canada! Imagine I left them in Canada! I always forget something!"

I glanced inside her purse. I found them right away.

"Mom, I think you may need glasses to help you find your glasses!"

"That I do!" she laughed and she slipped them on. "Oh...Oh, he's cute!"

"Maaaaaaaaaa, please don't look too obvious!" I laughed.

She was staring in his direction, eyes squinting (despite wearing her glasses), and mouth slightly ajar.

He came back with my coffee in hand. I introduced him to my mom and then realized that he may not even remember my name!

Of course he doesn't remember, you're one of many! He probably has a Yuma in every country! One in Canada, one in Italy, one in Spain, one in Argentina, one in Ecuador, one in

                                   Oh my goodness, shut up!

"I'm going to, " my mother started saying "Go to the buffet."

"Oh, all right. I'll see you later Ale—"

"No!" she touched my arm "You stay here for a can join me later!"

"Mom, I can come with you!" I was suddenly terrified of being alone with him.



"Do you really think anything will happen with your old mama next to you?" she whispered. 

I was alone. Okay not completely alone as I was surrounded by hundreds of tourists, but I didn't see them. I didn't hear them. I didn't see anything but Alejandro who spent every spare moment he had to exchange a few words with me.

A group of tourists asked him to take a group photo. As they smiled and posed, Alejandro said,

"Say whiskey!"

"Whiskey!!!" they all chimed in.

He returned next to me.

"Thank goodness you didn't say 'say queso'!" I told him.


"Because their faces would be like this..." and I opened my mouth in an 'o' shape, eyes wide open.

He started to laugh uncontrollably. Okay, it was kind of funny but he really found it hilarious. In fact, I was getting a little uncomfortable as he bent over and gasped for air in between laughs and as his face turned beet red. Then he went to explain my miraculously hilarious joke to the other serves in Spanish as I pleaded,

"Nah, nah, it's not that funny! You don't have to tell's..." 

 I personally find your sense of humour to be subpar. He's laughing because he knows you'll be flattered.

                                 Why IS funny! You're mean!

"You're always funny, you!" and as his laughter calmed down he added "I like that." and the warmth of his smile illuminated me like a giant Christmas tree. "I'm glad you're back!" he added.

"I'm glad I'm back too!" 

There was a pause. My eyes were locked with his and I felt calm.

"Will you go on a date with me?" he asked.


Surprise, surprise!

Okay, seriously? Shut the fuck up right now!



  1. **Another funny, quirky, beautifully realistic, and empowering slice of life!**

  2. Thank you for sharing. This is great! Can't wait for the next installment :)

  3. I am absolutely loving this blog....I can't get enough of it. I check everyday for a new installment. I am also Canadian and have lived abroad in the Dominican Republic. So much of your blog brings back memories of living in the DR. Especially the swollen face....yes I suffered with the same embarassment. Also the animation people are the same! You call the playboys jinteros and in the DR they are called sankies. A friend of mine wrote a book about her marriage to a Dominican man. It's called Deceitful Affection and the book was published! It was a great read. I love reading these true stories. You should really consider writing a book. You definitely have the talent!

    1. Thank-you so much! :)

      I knew a woman several years ago that met a guy in DR and moved there to be with him. I thought it was all a little crazy and risky, never in a million years did I imagine I'd be in a similar situation someday!

      Some people have wondered why I've decided to write about my experiences but I know that there are tons of people out there with similar experiences, regardless of the country, and it's nice to know that we're not alone. I don't intend to shame my husband. He knows about this (although he can't read it yet) and finds it amusing. He's actually the one who encouraged me to write about our story and adventures.

      There might be a few periods where I write less than others. I'm working a lot and traveling as well, in the land of basically no internet (almost)!

      It really warms my heart to read comments like yours.

      I'll check out your friend's book!

  4. I think I have said this before but you are hilarious! I love your writing.

  5. I agree with this! I love reading this blog. Although its in Cuba it reminds me so much of Mexico! You should write a book, you are very talented!