Sunday, July 15, 2012

The Beast Parade.

What should have been my hairstyle of choice, for a few days.

We were beasts.

There's no way to soften it, we were grotesque. We had transformed into the most horrendous of creatures, the kind to make children cry, and suddenly it made sense. We were on the island of doctor Moreau! At first I thought it might be some kind of subtropical illness but this looked too deliberate, and too carefully crafted. As I inspected my appalling reflection, I noticed that not only was I a cat-lady, but I was also part aqua-creature. The swelling on my forehead made the gap between my eyes look much wider than usual, as my eyelids drooped because of the inflammation, which gave me a fishy appearance. Additionally, I had a bulbous forehead that protruded much like a Neanderthal. This was some wacky science!

All fanciful thoughts about Cutie Dimples Boy were starting to evaporate. Maybe this was a sign of things not meant to be. I thought of all possible ways to treat this affliction. Here I was, in another country, on an island reserved for tourists, thousands of kilometers away from home. There was a doctor available and maybe, just perhaps, she'd be able to make me look normal again, so that I wouldn't frighten and disgust CDB.

Or, you know, save me from dying because that was a possibility too.

More after the jump...

We headed to the infirmary and at this point, my legs were so swollen, that I could only slip on the loosest flip-flops. I had strategically styled my bangs so that they would cover part of my face, and at least hide my aqua-cat droopy eyelids! Still, I noticed people doing double takes. I felt like Eric Stoltz in Mask and Shelby was my Cher. Unfortunately for me, she was unable to turn back time.

The doctor didn't look too alarmed, I mean "Ay, Dios mío!" is a common expression, right?

Finally she told me that it was some kind of allergic reaction to the sun and that she would give me an injection. "Will it be gone by tonight?" I asked, thinking of CDB. "Tonight? I don't know...berry soon, dun worry." she responded. She was sweet. I liked her. I stretched out my arm, ready for the needle. I wasn't scared. Every second was precious and I wanted to get this over with. The clock was ticking! It was almost lunch time!

"Oh, no, no, no. Not in the arm!" she said, laughing. She pointed at the bed and I felt my heart sink. Where in the hell was she going to put that needle? "Lie down!" she instructed me, and as I did her voice rose a bit "On your stomach!"

Say, what?

This was awkward. I started to talk too fast and make jokes like I always do when I'm nervous. I started to ask questions that I answered to myself with a touch of sarcasm, no less, which I know she didn't understand. I pulled up my skirt and felt her judging my thong, and how I probably didn't have a curvaceous bottom like a Latina. Mind you, I am one quarter Spanish and half Portuguese, but I don't think that it contributed to my ass genetics. I tilted my head to the side to see her coming towards me with a horse needle. I didn't even know what was inside of it. It could have been nerve paralyzing serum for all I knew. It could have been something that made me grow a beard...I really had no idea!

She advised me not to drink that night and I walked with a slight limp back to my room. Shelby had decided to abstain from the treatment, and as I said, she was much less worse than me but she was still very beastly, nonetheless. Our sunburns had gotten even worse and we used up every towel we had, soaked them in cold water and placed them on our delicate flesh while sharp sounds of pain escaped from our mouths. Speaking of releasing, we were still as fragrant as a sewer during a heatwave.

This was a complete disaster. Yet, I hadn't given up! I was willing to fight this battle and get out of it victorious. Sure, I had to prop up my feet several times every hour, sure, I was starting to get high from this mysterious injection...

I was really getting high...